Category Archives: RW Lifestyle

A New Plant-Based Snack on the Shelves

01 Wednesday Nov 2017

Posted by in Favorite Products, Fun with Food, Health and Wellness, RW Lifestyle

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

There is no denying that convenient foods are, well, convenient.  I do follow a healthy, whole food diet as much as possible but, with weekly meal prep plus the need to pack work lunches, I can’t deny that I rely on convenience foods to round things out.  Imagine my delight when I find something that is both convenient and healthy.  I discovered a product at my Natural Grocers the other day, a product so good I’m going to have to cut myself off.  I’ve already consumed one container in two days.  The product?  The Honest Stand’s cheese dip.

Okay, it’s not dairy based cheese.  However, it is organic and made with vegetables and nuts; something that makes me feel a bit better about how much of it I’ve eaten in the past few days.  And, it isn’t really an un-healthy food.  The Honest Stand came into being because the founder, Alex, suffers from celiac disease with the extra bonus of being allergic to one of the main proteins in dairy.  A product that is safe for customers who must eat gluten-free, suitable for vegans, organic, packaged in BPA free recyclable containers, and is delicious is a product I can enjoy guilt-free.

My local Natural Grocers only carries three of the five flavors: Garlic Parmesan, Smoky Cheddar, and Spicy Nacho but, as I’d always choose spicy over mild and smoky over the regular, you’ll not hear me complain.  I purchased the available flavors and took them home to test.  All three dips passed the first test, that of texture.  The dips aren’t thick like some spreads but neither are they too runny.  They can be spread on a cracker or the cracker can be dunked; whatever the preference.  The dips also passed the second test, that of taste.

The Spicy Nacho edged out the Smoky Cheddar to be my favorite.  The cheese dip can be eaten cold or warmed and the Spicy Nacho is good either way.  I took it to work and ate it with tortilla chips but it’s equally delicious topping nachos.

The Smoky Cheddar is becoming a staple in my lunch box.  It’s so easy to eat with vegetables and crackers.  I’ve tried different flavors of crackers and my favorite combination is the Smoky Cheddar dip with Back to Nature’s Cracked Pepper Harvest Whole Wheat Crackers.  The combination is extra smoky and all delicious.

The Garlic Parmesan comes in a very close third.  I haven’t tried it with crackers yet because, the moment I saw it on the store shelf, I knew what I was going to do.  I took it home, cooked up some penne pasta, warmed the cheese dip, tossed it with the pasta, ground some black pepper over the top, and tucked in.  It’s better than any Pasta Alfredo I ever remember eating.

Best of all?  It’s not too expensive: less than $4.00 per container.  Want to try it but don’t live next to a Whole Foods or Natural Grocers?  It can be ordered on The Honest Stand’s website.

 

 

 

 

I Have Made Dirt!

07 Saturday Oct 2017

Posted by in RW Lifestyle

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Hello, Everyone!  It looks as if all my posts from Vegan Wayfarer were uploaded here with no problems.  I should probably fix some of my older photos but I know I probably won’t.  Chalk it up to learning and move on, right?

I’ve been adjusting to a new schedule at a new job and working on my manuscript so haven’t been posting here.  It turns out blogs don’t write themselves and do not benefit from being ignored.  However, you know what does benefit from being ignored?  Compost.  (How’s that for a segue?!)

I admit it, I began composting with the best of intentions but then got busy and let it fall by the wayside.  Still, the compost bin continued to do its thing and, when I checked it earlier in the year, it was full of lovely black soil; fragrant, rich, intoxicating.  There’s something thrilling about vegetable scraps and shredded paper (printed with vegetable inks) turning from a hot mess-literally and figuratively-into nutrient rich soil just waiting to be used for planting.

My composting adventure didn’t start out all that well.  I ordered a compact bin I figured I could handle from Home Depot and, when it arrived, assembled it in my front room before carrying it outside to its home by my fence.  It’s dual chambered; the concept being I can add scraps to one side while the compost cooks in the other.

IMG_20171007_153840

My compost bin and a tub of compost ready to use.

I began adding scraps from my cooking processes and they began to ferment inside the bin.  Then came the smell.  I always used to watch “Labyrinth” and laugh at the bog of eternal stench, then I began composting and it was no longer funny.  Before my neighbors could camp out on my front lawn with pitchforks and torches, and before my family could happily toss me to them, I went to Google.  Google educated me in such terms as “green” and “brown” materials necessary for a healthy compost bin.  My compost was all green with no brown, a situation I quickly remedied.  The smell abated and the crisis was averted.

Even left forgotten, the compost bin did its thing and I ended up with half a bin of lovely, lovely black dirt.  It smells like the richest potting soil and inspires me to use words like “loam” and “worm casings”.  I let it get wet when it rains and stir it with a pitchfork, an act that makes me feel like I’m already a gardener.  I can’t wait to use it.  I’m going to try my hand at planting herbs first.  I’m having trouble finding bulk herbs in my local grocery stores and I wince at paying 4 bucks for six leaves of mint.  I’d also like to try my hand at growing tomatoes though I’m aware they don’t do so well in Colorado.  Once I’ve nailed down sprouting and growing a few things, I’ve got an old fort in the backyard I’d like to use for gardening.  There are already uprights for beans and places to hang pots.  But first things first.  No worries.  I’ve purchased a book on gardening in small spaces and have the fall and winter months to educate myself.  Next stop, seedlings.

IMG_20171007_151638

I was going to try to get a picture of the entire fort but the wasps had laid claim to the place I was standing. I let them have it. For now.

A Bean By Any Other Color…

05 Wednesday Jul 2017

Posted by in Favorite Products, Fun with Food

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

I’ve tried many new food items since becoming vegan: things I never thought I would eat much less like.  Things like pressed fermented tofu and seed cake, though seven-grain tempeh sounds more appetizing; and then there are all the beans.  My pre-vegan repertoire consisted of black beans, kidney beans, navy beans, and the occasional lentil.  My post-vegan pantry has expanded to include all of those plus cranberry beans, anasazi beans, black, green, red, and black lentils, yellow and green split peas, Christmas lima beans, and so many more.  Some of the tastiest and most versatile beans I use are garbanzo beans, aka chickpeas.  They make excellent crispy snacks if marinated and oven-baked, star in chickenless salad, chickpea and noodle soup, and not-tuna salad.

My enthusiasm for new and interesting beans may have gone too far.  I was at an Asian market (since become a diner so I need a new source for black salt) and was going nuts at the prices of bulk lentils, spices, black salt, and green garbanzo beans.  The friend I was shopping with said, “um…green garbanzo beans?”  “Yep”, I replied; “aren’t they cool?”  My friend looked like ‘cool’ wasn’t the first word that occurred to her but she made no other protest and a bag of green garbanzo beans accompanied me home.

As summer takes over in Colorado I eat more salads and, at long last, the time came for me to soak and cook the green garbanzo beans in order to make not-tuna salad.  I admit, a lessons I’ve learned from previous cooking experience sprang to mind as I prepared the beans. Lesson one: soup mixes comprised of multiple beans and/or grains look pretty until they’re cooked.  Then, black beans or black rice color EVERYTHING else in the mix and the entire lot turns brown.  What would cooked green beans look like?  However, I’d purchased the beans and was committed.  How bad could it be?

DSCF0119

Well…cooked and mashed green garbanzo beans are no longer green.  “Unappetizing” and other, stronger, words came to mind but I’m anything if not wasteful.  I mashed my beans, stirred in Just Mayo, mustard, chopped green olives, chopped celery, and 1/4 a sheet of nori, snipped into teeny pieces.  I was going to eat it no matter how it looked.

While the salad looked nasty; once I spooned it over a bed of red leaf lettuce and covered it with sliced Easter egg radishes, appearance was no longer an issue.

DSCF0120

Taste was no issue at all.  There is no substitute for soaking and cooking my own beans.  Taste, texture, cost…there is no comparison, although I admit I use canned beans because they’re convenient.  The beans in my salad were smooth and creamy, which bore no resemblance to actual tuna salad but, this far into my vegan diet; that isn’t a bad thing.  The salad is filling, tasty, and easy to eat at my desk at work.  And, the green garbanzo beans?  I think that all future recipes will keep them whole rather than mashed.

 

Making Art From Trash

03 Saturday Dec 2016

Posted by in RW Lifestyle, RW Out and About

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

The beginning of November in Colorado was lovely and so, one sunny Saturday, I paid money to look at trash.  Beach trash.  Or, at least, beach plastic.  The Washed Ashore Exhibit is available for viewing at The Denver Zoo and I badly wanted to see it.  If anyone lives in the area or the Exhibit is coming to a location near you, I encourage seeing it for two reasons.

Reason One: The Exhibit is fun and interesting considered as mere works of art.  I don’t have the sort of mind that looks at discarded water bottles, chairs, tires, boots, flip-flops, shotgun shells, pop cans, random toys, and toilet seats and sees animal sculptures.  How all of this trash is turned into sculptures complete with waves, sea plants, and reefs is beyond me and I had great fun seeing how all the different objects came together to create animals like sharks, penguins, and jellyfish.

Reason Two:  I’ve lived in landlocked states most of my life, barring a University stint in Juneau Alaska, but have always loved the ocean.  I had dreams of being a Marine Biologist and, while that didn’t work out, I’ve never stopped caring about the oceans and its creatures.  The plastic soup swirling in ocean gyres, being eaten by the inhabitants of the oceans, and being dumped on the beaches horrifies me.  The Exhibit exists because volunteers pick up marine debris from beaches and the objects are then recycled into art that’s both fun to look at but helps bring awareness to a massive problem.

According to Washedashore.org, over 60 sculptures have been created and 38,000 pounds of marine debris has been processed.  38,000 pounds of garbage.  The number boggles the mind, especially when I realize that 38,000 pounds comprises a tiny part of the estimated 8 million metric tons of plastic waste entering the ocean from land EACH YEAR! (World Economic Forum, January 2016)  Even if that number isn’t accurate, half that would be overwhelming and I’m so grateful to volunteers who partner with organizations like Washed Ashore to do something about it.  Washed Ashore promises small actions make a difference and there are tips for reducing consumption of plastic at every sculpture.

These tips are so easy to incorporate into daily life.  I don’t use single use plastic water bottles if I can help it.  I have stainless steel water bottles with lids that screw tight for hiking and a glass water bottle I use daily while at work.  A bonus to using a glass water bottle is that doing so gets me up out of my office chair as I have to walk half the length of the building to re-fill it.  Good for the environment and my cardiac health.  I’ve found there’s no need to purchase water while on road trips.  No gas station has ever complained about my refilling my water bottle with ice and water from the soda machine and there’s always a basket of fruit where I can purchase a banana or an orange so I don’t feel like I’m taking advantage.  If I have to purchase a bottle of water, I keep a bag in the car to put the plastic in until I can find a recycling center.

My family and I use fabric bags when grocery shopping.  We also watch our shopping habits so we reduce the amount of packaging included with our purchases.  I admit that can sometimes be an inconvenience when I don’t buy a product I need because of packaging-why do I need individual bags of vegetables inside another bag?-but I think the inconvenience is worth it.

The Exhibit is both fun and educational while managing to create beauty from objects that are anything but.  I found it encouraging as well.  I’m not alone in caring about what happens to our oceans and beaches and, together, we can make a difference.

To see the photos I took at the Exhibit, check out my Facebook page.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s My Party and I’ll Fromage if I Want To

20 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by in Favorite Products, Fun with Food

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

I have friends and family that are interested in my vegan lifestyle but I invariably hear; “I could never go vegan-I could never give up cheese”.  I understand.  Cheese was an important part of my life before becoming a vegan.  The sharper the Cheddar the better, Stilton; Gouda, Gruyére, Brie…yes, I did eat a great deal of cheese.

I haven’t missed cheese; not with brands like Daiya, Follow Your Heart, and Chao slices by Field Roast taking care of most of my needs.  There is no denying the texture is not the same and, excepting Daiya’s Gouda style farmhouse block, I haven’t found a vegan cheese substitute I like sliced and eaten with crackers.  Cheese and crackers along with grapes or a sliced apple is one of my favorite simple snacks and one I was willing to drop the cheese portion if I had to.  And yet, I couldn’t help holding out hope that I’d find a cheese substitute I’d find tasty with a cracker.

It turns out, I don’t have to give up my snack.  My local King Soopers has a vegan/vegetarian section that carries some Tofurky and Field Roast products, some Tofu, some cheese options, and something new.  I found Treeline brand cheese: a non-dairy product made from cashews.  King Soopers carries the Chipotle Serrano Pepper, Scallion, and Herb-Garlic flavors.  I’m always willing to try something new and, hoping it would prove delicious, I purchased a carton of the Scallion and took it home.

I was not disappointed.  Treeline’s product is smooth, creamy, and spreads easily onto a cracker so there’s no worry of breakage.  The flavor is pleasant as well.  Despite being made with cashews it doesn’t take at all like cashews.  Treeline isn’t heavy on the spice either.  I liked the Scallion so much that, when I was ready for another treat, I purchased the Herb-Garlic and didn’t find the flavor too strong.  I am looking forward to trying other vegan substitutes as they come to hand, especially that made by Miyoko’s Kitchen, but I am thrilled to have access to Treeline.  Now, I only have to find a place that offers the other flavors.

img_20161107_153032

My favorite cracker for cheese and crackers indulgence used to be Triscuit crackers.  Unfortunately, despite releasing new and interesting flavors-including a pumpkin spice-Nabisco has not sought 3rd party non-GMO verification for their Triscuit crackers.  Fortunately, Back to Nature makes a Harvest Whole Wheat Cracker that tastes exactly like a Triscuit but sports the non-GMO butterfly.  My snack life is saved!

_20161120_213755

I don’t mind purchasing a product like Treeline as an occasional treat but there’s no denying it’s a bit expensive so I’m scouring my cookbooks for recipes I can try at home.  A few make-at-home cheese recipes will be ideal for the Holiday Season.  Have a favorite?  Let me know.  I’m always up for cheese and crackers and perhaps a little wine.

Comfort and Pasta

05 Saturday Nov 2016

Posted by in Favorite Products, Fun with Food

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

My workplace had a Halloween potluck earlier this week and were planning a chili competition.  I thought I’d bring something different and decided to make a corn chowder.  An added inducement to the corn chowder was that I could make it with ingredients I had on hand and any time I can avoid the grocery store I will choose to do so.

I used the recipe in The Part Time Vegan as a template, adding a few tweaks of my own, and ended up with a chowder that wasn’t bad.  Wasn’t bad isn’t usually what I go for so my corn chowder recipe needs work before it can be posted.  Having a recipe not turn out as I’d hoped is always a little bit of a downer so I decided to drown my sorrows in comfort food.  Enter pasta and, fortunately, the McDougall diet allows me to eat as much as I like.

With both comfort and temperance in mind, I decided to try a new pasta.  I got sucked into one of those sample stands at Costco which introduced me to Explore Cuisine’s Chickpea Pasta (which is not on the website but other tasty products are).  The woman at the sample stand assured me the pasta kept a chewy texture despite re-heating and I was persuaded to buy a box.

img_20161105_093211

I have tried other gluten-free pastas.  I like quinoa pasta but have found brown rice pasta ends up too mushy.  I wasn’t sure what to expect when I boiled water and measured out the pasta.  I was concerned with taste as the pasta smelled well, beany, as it cooked but all my worries were for naught.  The pasta has a slight flavor that didn’t remind me too much of chickpeas and kept a perfect al dente texture.  My family liked it as well.  Though I don’t know this will replace quinoa pasta for me, I’m definitely interested in trying more of Enjoy Cuisine’s products.

Wondering what to eat with the pasta?  Here’s my Mom’s recipe for chunky vegan pasta sauce.  Neither she nor my step-father are vegan and they both choose this one over sauces laden with meat.  Let me know if you give it a try.

Sue’s Spaghetti Sauce

1 cup minced onion

1 TBSP minced garlic

1 jar Classico Traditional Favorites Pasta Sauce, Tomato & Basil

1 jar Prego Light Smart Traditional Italian Sauce

2 TBSP Hunts Tomato Paste

1 14oz can Muir Glen Organic Tomatoes, Diced, No Salt Added

1 15 oz can Tomato Sauce

1 15 oz can Simple Truth Organic Tri-Bean Blend beans, drained and rinsed

1 15 oz can Organic Canned Black Beans, drained and rinsed

6 oz Boca Veggie Ground Crumbles

Cook onions and garlic until onions begin to sweat.  All all other ingredients except beans and crumbles.  Cook 1 hour.  Add beans and crumbles and cook 15 minutes.  Pour over cooked spaghetti.

Prep and Cook time = 75 min

Serving Size = 2 cups

Serves = 8

The Human Effect

24 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by in Health and Wellness, RW Lifestyle

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , ,

I’m a subscriber to Conservation International and have been enjoying the “Nature is Speaking” series.  The message of each of these short videos is that we need nature; nature doesn’t need us.  These videos reminded me of a documentary I saw a while ago called “Radioactive Wolves”.  It was made to coincide with the 25th anniversary of the Chernobyl nuclear incident and is a fascinating study on just how well nature does without human involvement.

25 years has completely changed the landscape both around Chernobyl and within the zone so contaminated with radiation it’s uninhabitable by humans.  Cultivated land and the deserted cities have all been reclaimed by wilderness.  Man-made canals have been damned by beavers and the same beavers have undermined dykes thus returning drained marshland to its natural state.  The area around Chernobyl has become an unintended refuge for endangered species; species that seem to thrive despite the fact that bones of moose test at 50 times normal levels of radiation and fish bones from the area close to the reactor are so contaminated they can’t be touched by bare hands.

Gray wolf, Eagle, and Peregrine falcons are the top predator species that thrive in this reclaimed wilderness.  It doesn’t seem like thriving should be possible with the amount of radiation in the soil which is then taken up by the plants, eaten by the large herbivores and then consumed by the predators, but thrive they do.  The health of their populations stems from the fact that the area is toxic and thus lost to humans.

And, it is toxic.  The documentary referenced a six year study performed on dormice living within the contaminated zone.  4 to 6 percent of every generation shows some sign of abnormality, twice the rate of clean areas.  Those rates are unacceptable to humans and with an estimate of Chernobyl being uninhabitable by humans for the next 20,000 years; these species will be able to continue their uninterrupted life cycles without human intervention.

Almost without human intervention.  Bison were reintroduced into the Belarus side of the exclusion zone in the late 90’s and that decade saw wild horses being introduced on the Ukraine side.  However, wherever there are humans trying to help, there are humans causing problems.  Reproduction rates among the wild horses say there should be close to 200 individuals roaming the wilderness but poachers have brought that number closer to 60: a fact that seems to reinforce the Nature is Speaking message.  Nature doesn’t need us and, indeed, seems to do much better without us.

Does it have to be this way?  If human beings could realize our relationship with the world around us is symbiotic-our ability to thrive depends on the health of our environment-would we start living in balance with it rather than consuming its resources far faster than it can replenish itself?  As always, I can’t answer for anyone but myself.  I try to make the most responsible decisions I can and living in balance with my environment is an ongoing journey.

I am well aware I can’t survive without nature and I want to do all I can to ensure I don’t have to learn how well nature survives without me.

 

Vegan for Reasons of My Own

10 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by in Health and Wellness, RW Lifestyle

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , ,

My family and I rescued a baby rabbit the other day.  He got stuck in our basement window well and was too little to jump back out.  I realized I knew very little about rabbits.  At what age are they left to fend for themselves?  If we had to rescue the rabbit by touching him, would his mother reject him?  Was his mother going to come for him?  I didn’t know but we couldn’t leave him there.  My mother and stepfather couldn’t figure out how to pop the basement window out of its frame and we weren’t sure crawling under the porch was going to be feasible.  My stepfather remembered the grate covering the well at porch height lifted off so he headed out and I followed to help.  I tried to climb down inside the well and discovered I suffer from claustrophobia.  So, how to rescue the bunny without turning into a quivering lump?  My stepfather suggested putting our long handled shovel into the well and seeing if the rabbit would climb on.  I was skeptical: no doubt the shovel would scare him.  How would we get him on it-and keep him on it-long enough to lift him out without hurting him?

Imagine my surprise when the rabbit gave the shovel a sniff and climbed right on.  He stayed perched on until I’d lifted him out of the well and he could hop off under our deck to cheers from my mother.  I swear that rabbit knew we were trying to help him and REALLY wanted out of the window well.  Anthropomorphism aside, the rabbits actions denoted an intelligence and understanding that surprised me a little and then got me thinking about why I became a vegan.

My reasons were two-fold.  One, I was terrified arthritis was going to put me in a wheelchair and I wanted to avoid that at all costs.  I’d read that the vegan/plant-based diet cured all sorts of ills and I was desperate enough to change my lifestyle.  At the same time, I experienced a crisis of conscience.  The thought of eating specific animals horrified me.  Why them and not others?  Was intelligence the basis for my choosing to eat some animals and not others?  I checked The Kind Diet out of the library, even told my mother I was just curious and was NOT looking to become a vegan, and then became a vegan.

I confess better health was my driving force.  I was conflicted about animals and didn’t want to contribute to their suffering but had a long way to go before I could say with all honesty “I’m Vegan for the Animals”.  And then, I didn’t want to say “I’m Vegan for the Animals” because, as I studied up on nutrition and how to stay healthy on the vegan diet, I ran into authors who had the attitude that those who chose a vegan lifestyle for health were somehow less ‘vegan’ than those that did so for the animals.  I admit I can be a little too “my good opinion once lost is lost forever” (Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen) but that attitude upset me so much I still won’t buy those authors’ cookbooks and I’ve been vegan for close to five years.

Fortunately, I encountered far more kind and supportive vegans than I did rude and obnoxious ones and my health has thanked me for it.  The improvement in my health did clear the way for me to consider how I thought of the other living beings that inhabited this planet with me; not just animals.  Now I can say; “I’m vegan for my health, for others’ health, for the health of this planet I live on, for other humans, and yes; for the animals”.

The longer I study, the more reasons I have for the lifestyle I’ve chosen and that’s just it; it’s my lifestyle and my reasons: I would never consider myself superior to anyone else just because I’ve made changes they can’t-or won’t-make themselves.  My choices are mine alone and, again, I want to send my thanks out to all the vegans and non-vegans alike who supported me, freely answered my questions, and let me make such choices for myself.  I strive to be so kind.

DSCF0003

The rabbit is being camera-shy so, instead, here’s a sampling of my cookbook collection. I use all sorts of things to bookmark recipes…

 

 

I’ll Give it a Miss

04 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by in Favorite Products

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

I tried a new vegan product his week:  Jackfruit.  BBQ Jackfruit, to be precise.

I first heard of jackfruit in Jenn Shagrin’s cookbook, Veganize This!.  Ms. Shagrin had a recipe making a canned tuna substitute out of jackfruit.  I purchased this cookbook when I first made the decision to become a vegan and, as I was already overwhelmed with new ingredients, I did not run out and purchase jackfruit.  I knew H Mart, a lovely Asian market not far from where I live, carried canned as well as fresh jackfruit so it was always in the back of my mind to use but I developed a taste for not-tuna salad made with chickpeas and nori so…years passed…

And then, I saw jackfruit for sale at my local Vitamin Cottage.  Ah!  Jackfruit!  I always wanted to try that, I told myself and purchased the package.  I didn’t have a plan when I brought the jackfruit home so I put it in the freezer and forgot about it until I needed something to go with mashed potatoes and gravy and peas.  In my pre-vegan days, I’d have had pulled pork so BBQ jackfruit seemed like a optimal alternative.

DSCF0024

It Almost Looks Like Pulled Pork…

So…

This was not one of my favorite things.  I liked the BBQ sauce but the texture of the jackfruit definitely takes some getting used to.  The taste reminded me of BBQ artichoke hearts; something I can make a lot cheaper should I be seized by the impulse.  I can’t imagine it will.

My verdict?  It isn’t bad but I don’t see jackfruit becoming a staple in my vegan diet.

In Search of Myself

09 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by in RW Lifestyle

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

Motivation

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t use social media to its fullest potential.  I have stacks of books to read and usually only use a computer for work.  Sometimes, I wonder if social media isn’t a waste of time but then I connect with someone, see something that makes me laugh, or read something that makes me think and I see social media’s value.  The image at the top of this post was one that rocked me back on my metaphorical heels.

I don’t remember a time when I ever had a wide-eyed, innocent moment.  My childhood wasn’t conducive to wide-eyed innocent moments, a fact I’m much to old to worry about now.  Besides, like the apostle; I forget what lies behind and press on toward the goal…

…of what?  I read this quote and was trying to remember any wide-eyed innocent moments from my past and I realized what I was really asking myself was, when was the last time I felt like myself?  I’m working as a bookkeeper for a nonprofit that does good work: why am I so tired, stressed out, and sad all the time?  The work is stressful, sure and I have a lot of responsibility, but it’s good work that’s making a positive impact on the community.  Why aren’t I fulfilled?  Why do I feel like I’ve lost myself?

Because, this job swallows up my entire life.  Earlier in November, I worked close to a 13 hour day.  Does that happen all the time?  No, but do I find I have to give more and more of myself to the demands of the job?  Yes.  And, that leaves little time for writing.

I realized those were the times I feel the most like myself.  I feel connected to those things that make me me during those brief moments when I had enough energy after making it through a day of work to write something, anything.  The second half of the quote is what really struck me.  If I’m feeling disconnected and, yes, depressed, what has changed?  What shouldn’t have?  The answer I came up with?  Some time during the last year, I allowed the demands of the job to be my priority and let writing be the thing I did with whatever energy I had left over.

This quote made me feel like I’ve reached a crossroads.  My job isn’t bad.  I have great friends I work with, I feel like a part of something every time an adoption of a child in foster care is completed, and I like the logic of bookkeeping; but a voice deep down tells me it isn’t enough.  I may be doing good work but it isn’t what my heart longs to do.  I have to make a change or something precious inside will die.

I quit my job.  It was an extremely difficult decision, especially as I don’t have another and every responsible bone in my body takes issue with leaving a regular salary for the unknown.  And yet…I’m beginning to feel like myself.  The outer me feels less like a shell going through the motions of being a responsible adult and is steadily reconnecting with something vibrant on the inside I fear I almost lost.

I am writing.

Who knows what will come of it.  There’s another voice that says no one will be interested in the stories I have to tell.  Maybe not but I don’t regret my decision one iota.  Sure, I’ll have to get a job eventually: my savings won’t hold out forever.  But, I know for certain my next job will support my writing rather than keep me from it.  I won’t make the same mistake again.

My thanks to Jonathan Scott and #MondayMotivation.  Who knew social media would provide the impetus for me getting my passions back on track?  I never would have believed it but they are, and I am, and myself and I are getting reacquainted.